Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
