Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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