Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
