Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
