I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
