Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
