absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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