he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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