At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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