I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
