Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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