for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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