im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
