You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
