Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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