So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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