her vagine was all disorganized.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i now understand why vodka
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
