I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
