Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
