Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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