Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
