my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
