I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
