There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
