haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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