haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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