In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
