Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
