I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
