He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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