Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
