my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
