Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
