if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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