The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
