Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
