i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
