I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
