I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
