On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
