Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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