i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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