And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
