Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
