No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
