He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
