can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
