when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
