if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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