I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
