so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
