Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
