go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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